This is what quitting feels like

I can finally breathe.

Let me just start by saying that I can't believe that less than a week ago I was in Missouri. I flew back here on Tuesday and even that seems like a very long time ago. I came back to two work schedules that overlapped, and spent a significant amount of time freaking out and trying to make both work. I never could get several of my Starbucks shifts covered, and in the middle of the madness, decided it was crazy to try to keep that job. I'm getting a full load at the station, and with all the driving, I hardly had time to shower and sleep. I realized after I quit (yesterday morning at 5:30 AM) that I had been holding my breath for a few days. I can finally breath again, and it feels so good!

I realized after quitting Starbucks that I have never actually had to quit a real job before, at least not like this. In the past, the reason I have quit jobs has been for very obvious reasons, like graduating high school, graduating college, or because the work was done or it was a summer job. This was hard for me. I wanted everything to be neat and tidy when I quit and didn't want to leave them scrambling. There was no good way of doing that this late in the game, however. I wish I had decided to quit as soon as I got the other job, but even then they would still have to figure out scheduling. I feel guilty, but I also know that I did the best I could in the situation and given the circumstances and pressure I put on myself.

Moving on from that, I'm excited to be able to focus on the radio gig and end a job I never wanted to pursue (although I'm so grateful I had it-- paid the bills, learned new skills, and made great friends). I will most definitely miss the people I worked with there, as they were the first friends I made when I moved here, and have been somewhat like family. I really hated the job when I first started, but after a while, I sort of looked forward to it. The first few months I lived here I was really lonely, and they took my mind off of being so far from home. I'm beyond grateful for that.

Now I have the next two days off and can focus on finding an apartment and hopefully getting all my ducks in a row to move closer to L.A. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm actually looking forward to moving to that blasted city. It seems like an adventure, and I'll have great company in the two girls I'm moving with.

I have more to say, but I am just so, so sleepy. I spent plenty 'o time out in the sun today, and am burnt and zapped of energy. I love it though.

Golden (and a little crispy),

LH