I have a lot of thoughts spinning through my head. I don't know that I can package these thoughts neatly, especially today. If it doesn't make sense, well... deal.
I'm thinking about what it means to be love. There's this song I'm obsessed with that has a line that goes, "The opposite of love's indifference" and I get this line stuck in my head a lot. I know plenty of people who are in love that have been good examples to me-- both sets of grandparents have been married over 60 years and my parents for 25. My best friend is in love with her boyfriend and they will get married within the next 14 months or so. (So excited- we are going to party like its 1999). I know that love is not always easy for them. I know that they get mad at each other. I know that its hard to love someone when you know everything about them (including their tiniest faults and bathroom habits), and that indifference is far, far easier.
The same is true with friends and even global issues and justice. There are many times I have chosen to care less when friends struggle, when instead I should have been more empathetic, and more compassionate. There are times when I turn a blind eye to what's happening in the world because it's easier to not feel then to think about people in other places seeking justice and being defeated daily. If we are called to love, we need to be willing to feel something, to take a side, to stand up. I learned what love is from my parents and my family. How do you teach love to someone who has never felt it? How do you teach love to a kid whose parents are constantly fighting, to a high school girl that equates love with sex, to a college student who is loved by her friends but doesn't understand it because she's been abused? How can love feel so foreign?
I've been reminded several times, just in the last 12 or so hours, of how rare it is to be related to people you like that also love each other.
17 years ago today my mom had a baby that passed away not long after being born. Her name was Emilie and she was beautiful. The doctors knew before she was born that she probably wouldn't make it. My mom had a series of miscarriages before this (I think six), but things were going better this time, and we thought maybe it would finally work out. I remember the day my parents found out that there were complications and how upset they were. Through this whole process, they never quit showing me how much they loved me, and I'm sure it brought us closer. It is impossible to go through tragedy like that without having some change in relationships. For some families, it tears them apart, but for us, we clung tighter. This whole period was very sad and difficult, but as the story continues and a couple years pass, there is happiness. My brother was born, and though he too was born prematurely, a couple weeks in the hospital fixed him up and he's been a healthy and strong kid. I remember Mom holding him when he was a baby and crying saying "he's just so perfect". (Ben, if you read this, don't get all cocky about it. We all know Cara is actually the golden child. She just doesn't care).
I've seen love, and I've seen light in really dark situations. Every family has their struggles , and every parent has the opportunity to choose love or to choose indifference. My prayer for all my friends and family, is the feeling of significance-- that they feel like they have family whether from friends in community or actual blood relatives and that they can be loved and love others. Hell, this is my prayer for the world.
With love,
LH
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJWk_KNbDHo
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