I have a lot to say, but have to get up too soon to say it all tonight. I will try to take some time in the next few days to reflect on this past year, as I celebrate my one year anniversary of being a California girl. A quick thought....
I find that I doubt myself more than any human being ever should. I'm not sure why, or for how long I've been doing it, but I know that I need to knock it off. It effects the way I think and act, and my level of confidence. It's silly, and I know it. I know that, despite what the culture I live in tells me, I am enough the way I am. I am loved. I am smart. I am beautiful.
Please don't forget that you are worth everything.
Thursday, July 4, 2013
Monday, June 24, 2013
Stars
I want to see the stars.
I'm looking out my window, but the city lights are so bright, that I can't see anything, and the sky is a hazy purple. I'm going home in a couple weeks, and can't wait to just lay in my driveway and stargaze. I'm sure there are good places to do that here, too, but so far I haven't found any good spots without driving to the dessert. My aunt got me a great little toy that shines stars on my bedroom ceiling, so for now, that will have to suffice.
I don't really have anything else to say tonight. I'm sunburned and going to bed.
Love,
LH
I'm looking out my window, but the city lights are so bright, that I can't see anything, and the sky is a hazy purple. I'm going home in a couple weeks, and can't wait to just lay in my driveway and stargaze. I'm sure there are good places to do that here, too, but so far I haven't found any good spots without driving to the dessert. My aunt got me a great little toy that shines stars on my bedroom ceiling, so for now, that will have to suffice.
I don't really have anything else to say tonight. I'm sunburned and going to bed.
Love,
LH
Saturday, June 22, 2013
I hope this doesn't sound like a high school essay
“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”- Howard Thurman
Starting with a quote is probably the cheesiest, most high-school-essay-sounding way to start this off. I came across it a while back, and read it again yesterday... and then again today. I think I'm going to keep reading it, day after day after day, and just see what happens as I keep it at the front of my mind for a while. My friend Will (who you have heard of before if you read any of my posts when I lived in Jackson, and possibly even after. He's a smart guy, and if he read this, would probably blush a little at my mention of him.) always asks really great questions, one of them being, "what makes you feel alive?". My answer to this for quite a while has been "music". It's actually way more specific though, in that it's not just music, but that sense of togetherness you feel with crowd at a concert, when the band is playing a great song and everyone is singing along. That makes me feel alive. There are other things too--writing, good conversation, playing outside-- but that is usually my first thought. I don't know what the practicality of this is though. What does that mean to the world? Nothing, I would say. It means I'm a human being and that I like the feeling of being part of something greater. Who doesn't? How do I take what I know about myself, and translate that in to something that's good for humanity? Every answer to this question that I've come up with just sounds so gimmick-y.
Howard Thurman, the man who got me stirred up about all this, was an incredible individual who I confess I don't know enough about. Here's his wikipedia page in case you are curious about him, or know as little as I do. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Howard_Thurman. In a nutshell, his life was dedicated to reconciliation and non-violence-- he helped form the first racially-integrated church in the U.S. (1944), was Dean of Chapel at Howard University and Boston University, advised Martin Luther King Jr, and wrote a ton of books. When someone like this says that the world needs people to come alive, I have to wonder what exactly that looks like.
My second thought on this, upon reflection on some of Thurman's accomplishment, is that maybe this "live everyday like it's your last" mentality that is encouraged isn't necessarily right, or it has been skewed. I think about movies and songs about living every day like it's your last, and frankly, I think they are kind of crappy and deceiving. I get this idea that it's made to sound like you shouldn't care about anything but making it the most fun and self-pleasing day ever, without the responsibility of creating legacy. I'm not saying that a young Thurman envisioned doing the great things he did as efficiently or for as long as he did. Rather, he seems intentional about how he spent his time-- that he didn't live every day like it was his last, but did live it like it counted, as he worked for a greater good, a greater purpose. It's 1 AM, and I don't know if I'm really making sense right now. Maybe this is more clear: I want to live like there's more than the present. I want to live like I'm working toward something greater than today, than this time, in this place. I still have a thirst for adventure and for knowledge, but I want all of this to go toward something that I can't wrap my head around quite yet, but some day will be able to. I want to think that my experience is not in vain, and that the decisions I make will lead to more than self-fullfillment.
And now all I have stuck in my head is Dave Grohl singing , "come alive, come alive, come alive, come alive... etc". If you don't know what I'm talking about, listen to this song.
And then get inspired a bit. (Also, Arrested Development fans--isn't that Buster?)
"These dreams started singing to me out of nowhere
And in all my life I don't know that I ever felt so alive"
And in all my life I don't know that I ever felt so alive"
Sweet dreams,
LH
Friday, June 21, 2013
I'll answer to "Missy"
Just a quick note for tonight:
My whole life, everyone who knows my mom has told me I look just like her. In reality, we only kind of look alike--we have similar coloring and hair and face shape. I definitely act like her though, and I sound like her on the phone. Sometimes it scares me. Some days, I look at what I'm wearing and I feel like she would wear it, or at least have picked it out. I love my mom a lot, so I don't mind looking or feeling or acting like her much really. We are different in a lot of ways too, but that's not what this post is about. I've noticed lately in pictures of old friends, that everyone is REALLY starting to look like their parents. I grew up in a very small town, where everyone knows everyone's everything, so of course I knew all my friends parents and grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins (etc). It's crazy to see how people change as they grow up to become even more like their kin-folk (no matter how hard they fight it).
Now we all just look, and sometimes think, and progressively act.... like our parents. At least mine like good music.
LH
My whole life, everyone who knows my mom has told me I look just like her. In reality, we only kind of look alike--we have similar coloring and hair and face shape. I definitely act like her though, and I sound like her on the phone. Sometimes it scares me. Some days, I look at what I'm wearing and I feel like she would wear it, or at least have picked it out. I love my mom a lot, so I don't mind looking or feeling or acting like her much really. We are different in a lot of ways too, but that's not what this post is about. I've noticed lately in pictures of old friends, that everyone is REALLY starting to look like their parents. I grew up in a very small town, where everyone knows everyone's everything, so of course I knew all my friends parents and grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins (etc). It's crazy to see how people change as they grow up to become even more like their kin-folk (no matter how hard they fight it).
Now we all just look, and sometimes think, and progressively act.... like our parents. At least mine like good music.
LH
Monday, June 17, 2013
Babies shouldn't wear brown
It's been a strange past couple of weeks, getting used to a new normal in a new neighborhood. I have it really good right now, as far as location goes. I'm about ten minutes from the beach, and go there at some point almost every day. I'm enjoying these two months of housing bliss before reality hits and I'm in a small one bedroom or studio sharing 400 square feet with another person (Hopefully it's a little bigger than that. We are apartment hunting again.) My roommate, Dominique, is awesome though. We get along really well, and I learn a lot from her. She's an artist, and a very wise and inspiring individual. She asks really good questions, and because of this, I'm expanding my scope of possibilities of what the next couple years have in store.
No one ever warns you about what happens after you are done with schooling. In the words of an old roommate, "It's all downhill after graduation." That may not actually be true, and I don't usually feel that way, but there is some seed of truth in it. I guess I always thought that school was the tough part that you have to work through to make it in life and that after school was over, it was just a matter of getting in with the right company or organization or whatever, and then BOOM you are making money and never doing homework and it's awesome. Maybe it does work like that for some people, but most people I know that make a lot of money or have a really fantastic job worked their asses off to get there AND continue to work their asses off to keep it. In other words, starting your "career"(fancy, grown up word for more than a temporary gig) is no cakewalk. I don't know how I ever got the impression it would be. This is not to say that I don't like my current job-- I really do! It's so much fun, and I love the people I work with, but lets face the facts people--it's a gig. (Though I'm told it could lead to a career? We will just have to wait and see about that.)
I don't know what society expects from me right now, but I'm okay with taking on gigs for the next couple of years. I have a lot of places I want to see and experience, and people I want to spend time with before we get old and attached to places and people and all we have left to talk about is what our kids are doing or what ailments we have. Bleh. So, though I love California, I am considering only spending one more year here, or maybe less. Now this is all just talk. I don't really have any formal plans. If I feel I should stay here, I'll stay. The thing is, I've always wanted to check out Ireland. It may take more than a month, so I'm considering moving there, and just taking on a job as a nanny or something like that, which would be a little easier to get a work permit for than any corporate or "business-y" job. I don't think I would stay there more than six months. The distance from my family to California has been rough enough. I don't think I could put them through a year of my being in another country (or put myself through that). This could all be crazy talk, so don't come back to me in a year and say, "Hey I thought you were moving to Ireland. Why are you still here?". Don't you dare do that, because the idea that I can't dream outloud a bit without having to hear about it later stresses me out.
As I was saying earlier, this week has felt really weird. I have been missing my friends in Pomona as well as my best California friend who is now in Seattle. Also, my roommate has been in the Bay area with her family, so I've felt a little lonesome. The beach is keeping me temporarily entertained, but I wish I knew more people in the area to chill with. I'm looking for a new church, since the one I was going to before is in Pomona, and that is just too far to drive every Sunday morning! I went to a Presbyterian church in my neighborhood, and brought the median age down about fifty years. There was one lady who was probably 35ish with two kids, but her and the babies were the closest to my age. Don't get me wrong, I love old people. I don't know that they would really want to play sand volleyball or go swimming with me though. The one "young lady", the mom , dressed her 9 month old in brown, and I called it a boy, but apparently baby girls can wear brown too. Oops. Please parents, until your kid is old enough to look like either a boy or a girl, dress them in blue or pink respectively. You can also use green or yellow as long as you don't act surprised when people don't know what to call it. For the love of Pete, whatever you do, please don't put a girl in dark brown. It confuses people (me). And brown isn't even a good color. No one looks good in brown, really. I can't think of anyone. Maybe redheads--but only in the fall, and only with denim. I might be alone in this idea. I do have a brown dress, but it has polka dots ,which are soooo cuuute!
A couple of people got fired from the radio station I work at earlier today. I feel bad for them. They reaaalllly messed up, though. There were four of us that got hired at the same time, and me and Mad Mike are the only ones left. I guess we are about to get some new people, which will make me feel like a seasoned promo assistant. Being the baby has been fun (and no one ever made me wear brown!).
Time to say goodnight.
Love,
LH
No one ever warns you about what happens after you are done with schooling. In the words of an old roommate, "It's all downhill after graduation." That may not actually be true, and I don't usually feel that way, but there is some seed of truth in it. I guess I always thought that school was the tough part that you have to work through to make it in life and that after school was over, it was just a matter of getting in with the right company or organization or whatever, and then BOOM you are making money and never doing homework and it's awesome. Maybe it does work like that for some people, but most people I know that make a lot of money or have a really fantastic job worked their asses off to get there AND continue to work their asses off to keep it. In other words, starting your "career"(fancy, grown up word for more than a temporary gig) is no cakewalk. I don't know how I ever got the impression it would be. This is not to say that I don't like my current job-- I really do! It's so much fun, and I love the people I work with, but lets face the facts people--it's a gig. (Though I'm told it could lead to a career? We will just have to wait and see about that.)
I don't know what society expects from me right now, but I'm okay with taking on gigs for the next couple of years. I have a lot of places I want to see and experience, and people I want to spend time with before we get old and attached to places and people and all we have left to talk about is what our kids are doing or what ailments we have. Bleh. So, though I love California, I am considering only spending one more year here, or maybe less. Now this is all just talk. I don't really have any formal plans. If I feel I should stay here, I'll stay. The thing is, I've always wanted to check out Ireland. It may take more than a month, so I'm considering moving there, and just taking on a job as a nanny or something like that, which would be a little easier to get a work permit for than any corporate or "business-y" job. I don't think I would stay there more than six months. The distance from my family to California has been rough enough. I don't think I could put them through a year of my being in another country (or put myself through that). This could all be crazy talk, so don't come back to me in a year and say, "Hey I thought you were moving to Ireland. Why are you still here?". Don't you dare do that, because the idea that I can't dream outloud a bit without having to hear about it later stresses me out.
As I was saying earlier, this week has felt really weird. I have been missing my friends in Pomona as well as my best California friend who is now in Seattle. Also, my roommate has been in the Bay area with her family, so I've felt a little lonesome. The beach is keeping me temporarily entertained, but I wish I knew more people in the area to chill with. I'm looking for a new church, since the one I was going to before is in Pomona, and that is just too far to drive every Sunday morning! I went to a Presbyterian church in my neighborhood, and brought the median age down about fifty years. There was one lady who was probably 35ish with two kids, but her and the babies were the closest to my age. Don't get me wrong, I love old people. I don't know that they would really want to play sand volleyball or go swimming with me though. The one "young lady", the mom , dressed her 9 month old in brown, and I called it a boy, but apparently baby girls can wear brown too. Oops. Please parents, until your kid is old enough to look like either a boy or a girl, dress them in blue or pink respectively. You can also use green or yellow as long as you don't act surprised when people don't know what to call it. For the love of Pete, whatever you do, please don't put a girl in dark brown. It confuses people (me). And brown isn't even a good color. No one looks good in brown, really. I can't think of anyone. Maybe redheads--but only in the fall, and only with denim. I might be alone in this idea. I do have a brown dress, but it has polka dots ,which are soooo cuuute!
A couple of people got fired from the radio station I work at earlier today. I feel bad for them. They reaaalllly messed up, though. There were four of us that got hired at the same time, and me and Mad Mike are the only ones left. I guess we are about to get some new people, which will make me feel like a seasoned promo assistant. Being the baby has been fun (and no one ever made me wear brown!).
Time to say goodnight.
Love,
LH
Monday, June 10, 2013
City of Angels
I've been a Los Angeles resident for eight days, and I'm loving it. There is so much to see and do, all of the time. I had been thinking about moving again, but I might want to give this city more time. I'm excited about this summer, and have a gut feeling that I'm in the right place, and that good things are going to come from this. I had two people last week tell me at work that I looked happy, and though I didn't realize I looked any different before, I do feel really healthy and happy right now--probably because I'm no longer sitting in traffic 3-4 hours a day.
Today was my day off, and I went to LACMA (Los Angeles County Museum of Art). It was incredible, and if you ever get the chance, go. I could have spent days there. There are so many exhibits and I didn't even get close to seeing everything. I took one of my roommates, and he had to get back for class this afternoon, so after dropping him off, I went to the beach. I'm happy to report that I live only 10 minutes from the beach now. Hallelujah! My goal is to learn to surf by August 1. Ask me that day if I've done it. This has to happen.
Sorry, I just really don't feel like writing tonight. Know that I'm tired, but happy. I have a lot to write about, but just not tonight. I will soon, so stay tuned.
With love,
Liz
Today was my day off, and I went to LACMA (Los Angeles County Museum of Art). It was incredible, and if you ever get the chance, go. I could have spent days there. There are so many exhibits and I didn't even get close to seeing everything. I took one of my roommates, and he had to get back for class this afternoon, so after dropping him off, I went to the beach. I'm happy to report that I live only 10 minutes from the beach now. Hallelujah! My goal is to learn to surf by August 1. Ask me that day if I've done it. This has to happen.
Sorry, I just really don't feel like writing tonight. Know that I'm tired, but happy. I have a lot to write about, but just not tonight. I will soon, so stay tuned.
With love,
Liz
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Ch ch ch changes
It's been a few weeks, so I will do my best to hit all of the mildly interesting/ entertaining things that have happened since I last wrote.
I will start with the biggest and best news: My best friend is engaged! I am so happy for her and Trevor, and selfishly, for myself because I don't have to hear her whine any more about not having a ring on her finger (love you, Sam). Sami and I have been through a lot together, and since we met in high school, have had thousands of conversations about boys and love and things of that nature. After break-ups, we have been each others support,with the assistance of Ben and Jerry's and sappy romantic movies, of course. It's refreshing to know she's in love, and with someone I know has the capacity to love her as she deserves, and occasionally puts her in her place when she gets all cocky (not too often, though). I can't wait for the wedding. It's going to be the party of the century.
In other news, my friend Dominique and I have found a temporary place to live in LA, so traffic should soon become slightly more bearable for me. We are living with five, I repeat, five college sophomore boys, so it should be an interesting two months. Hopefully another exciting chapter in this California adventure, or at least, that's how I'm looking at it. I've lived with four guys (granted they are about ten years older) for the past several months, and maybe it has trained me for this. She and I are sharing a room for the two months, so I'm preparing myself to live out of boxes again. That is one part I am not looking forward to, but hopefully we are able to find something slightly more spacious by August. In case you were wondering, a one bedroom apartment on the west side costs at minimum $1350 per month, and that is usually in a not very nice area (not necessarily dangerous, but not really safe either--usually super close to a freeway). I think looking on the east side is going to be our best bet.
This move is a good one for my car as well. Poor Eddie the Escort has been working so hard these past couple of months. She actually broke down on me a few weeks ago, which was, in a word, terrifying. I was driving down the freeway when my airbag light came on. About ten minutes later, my fuel light quit working, and then my speedometer quit working, and my lights, and my signals. Crazy! I was able to get off the freeway and in to a parking lot of some family-style restaurant in West Covina. They had pie, but I was too worried to eat it. (This should give you some gauge of how freaked out I was. I REALLY love pie.) After I turned my car off, it wouldn't start again, and I called my Dad. That probably seems dumb, seeing as he's in Missouri, and also because it was 11 PM his time (I really freaked him out), but I wanted to know if he had any idea what would cause that. After I got off the phone with him, I called people from the co-op where I live to come get me. Luckily, one of them had AAA ,and got my car towed back to the house for free. The next day, another friend at the co-op helped me get it to the shop so that I could get new alternator. (Thanks so much Charles, Lisa, and Ryan! People like y'all are what make this place so great!)
Last week I got to see two of my Missouri friends- Mac and Clint. Mac went with my friend Cait and I to Echo Park so we could celebrate Cait's new job in Seattle and so that I could buy him a drink since he is officially old enough. Cait used to live in Echo Park, so she knows what's good. We have our favorite spots, and hit all of them. Best of all, we went to one of the bars which was having soul night, and danced like crazy people. Mac and I are going to have to keep doing this, but dang it Cait, we wish you would just stay and come along too! Cait's my best friend here. She and I were in a very similar situation when we met, and have clung to each other over the past year when times were tough and our families were on the other side of the country. We've also had some of the best times together--like Thanksgiving, the last day of the world, Christmas parties, beach days, thrifting days, exploring new places, the list goes on. . . I'm hoping I can go see her in Seattle this summer, or maybe in early fall.
Clint and I had "Missouri night" on Friday. We ate BBQ, drank Budweiser, and went to the Cardinals @ Dodgers game. It was so much fun! Clint had just been home for a few days, and still had that Missouri aura about him. After the game, there was a fireworks show, and they let us on the field. Well, we waited a little late to go out there, so I just jumped over the wall, and Clint tried to , but got caught and security yelled at him and made him go back. I picked up some dirt from the field and let him touch it though. The fireworks themselves were the best I've seen since I moved here. That's not saying a lot, but it was still really beautiful.
Everything seems to be changing, but it's going to be good. I can feel it.
Time to sleep.
LH
I will start with the biggest and best news: My best friend is engaged! I am so happy for her and Trevor, and selfishly, for myself because I don't have to hear her whine any more about not having a ring on her finger (love you, Sam). Sami and I have been through a lot together, and since we met in high school, have had thousands of conversations about boys and love and things of that nature. After break-ups, we have been each others support,with the assistance of Ben and Jerry's and sappy romantic movies, of course. It's refreshing to know she's in love, and with someone I know has the capacity to love her as she deserves, and occasionally puts her in her place when she gets all cocky (not too often, though). I can't wait for the wedding. It's going to be the party of the century.
In other news, my friend Dominique and I have found a temporary place to live in LA, so traffic should soon become slightly more bearable for me. We are living with five, I repeat, five college sophomore boys, so it should be an interesting two months. Hopefully another exciting chapter in this California adventure, or at least, that's how I'm looking at it. I've lived with four guys (granted they are about ten years older) for the past several months, and maybe it has trained me for this. She and I are sharing a room for the two months, so I'm preparing myself to live out of boxes again. That is one part I am not looking forward to, but hopefully we are able to find something slightly more spacious by August. In case you were wondering, a one bedroom apartment on the west side costs at minimum $1350 per month, and that is usually in a not very nice area (not necessarily dangerous, but not really safe either--usually super close to a freeway). I think looking on the east side is going to be our best bet.
This move is a good one for my car as well. Poor Eddie the Escort has been working so hard these past couple of months. She actually broke down on me a few weeks ago, which was, in a word, terrifying. I was driving down the freeway when my airbag light came on. About ten minutes later, my fuel light quit working, and then my speedometer quit working, and my lights, and my signals. Crazy! I was able to get off the freeway and in to a parking lot of some family-style restaurant in West Covina. They had pie, but I was too worried to eat it. (This should give you some gauge of how freaked out I was. I REALLY love pie.) After I turned my car off, it wouldn't start again, and I called my Dad. That probably seems dumb, seeing as he's in Missouri, and also because it was 11 PM his time (I really freaked him out), but I wanted to know if he had any idea what would cause that. After I got off the phone with him, I called people from the co-op where I live to come get me. Luckily, one of them had AAA ,and got my car towed back to the house for free. The next day, another friend at the co-op helped me get it to the shop so that I could get new alternator. (Thanks so much Charles, Lisa, and Ryan! People like y'all are what make this place so great!)
Last week I got to see two of my Missouri friends- Mac and Clint. Mac went with my friend Cait and I to Echo Park so we could celebrate Cait's new job in Seattle and so that I could buy him a drink since he is officially old enough. Cait used to live in Echo Park, so she knows what's good. We have our favorite spots, and hit all of them. Best of all, we went to one of the bars which was having soul night, and danced like crazy people. Mac and I are going to have to keep doing this, but dang it Cait, we wish you would just stay and come along too! Cait's my best friend here. She and I were in a very similar situation when we met, and have clung to each other over the past year when times were tough and our families were on the other side of the country. We've also had some of the best times together--like Thanksgiving, the last day of the world, Christmas parties, beach days, thrifting days, exploring new places, the list goes on. . . I'm hoping I can go see her in Seattle this summer, or maybe in early fall.
Clint and I had "Missouri night" on Friday. We ate BBQ, drank Budweiser, and went to the Cardinals @ Dodgers game. It was so much fun! Clint had just been home for a few days, and still had that Missouri aura about him. After the game, there was a fireworks show, and they let us on the field. Well, we waited a little late to go out there, so I just jumped over the wall, and Clint tried to , but got caught and security yelled at him and made him go back. I picked up some dirt from the field and let him touch it though. The fireworks themselves were the best I've seen since I moved here. That's not saying a lot, but it was still really beautiful.
Everything seems to be changing, but it's going to be good. I can feel it.
Time to sleep.
LH
Monday, May 6, 2013
Joining a gym: the good, the bad, and the ugly
I joined a gym last Friday. It's probably the smartest thing I've done since I got this new job (or maybe since I moved to California). Instead of sitting in traffic for an extra two hours today, I worked out (a little) and sat in the hot tub (a lot). LA Fitness is an interesting place. Here is the good, the bad, and the ugly:
The good: I met an extremely handsome guy when swimming laps. We shared a lane. It was great. Afterwards I was whining about not having a towel and dramatically telling him how Mizzou Rec always had towels and that I was spoiled there, and how I was lucky that I packed several outfits and that I'd just use my shirt to dry off etc, etc. He offered me his towel, and I told him, "we aren't that close yet". To which he responded, "Is it because it touched my almost naked body?." Yes, yes it was. He was funny (and attractive) though, so I used it. No big deal. (Did I mention that he was really cute? REALLY cute.)
The bad: The bad (besides not having towels) and the ugly both have to do with my tour guide/sales guy that was trying to tell me why LA Fitness "is the gym for me". In his pitch, he said something like, "you will find that working out will make you feel better and look better. It will also make you more confident." I bit my tongue. That may work on some people, but do I seem insecure? Heeeeccccckkk no. If anything, I'm overconfident.
The ugly: Also in this conversation, he asked, "What does your boyfriend think of you joining?". I said something like, "Don't have to worry about that. No boyfriend. " He replied, "It won't be long, girl, if you know what I'm sayin'!", and then held his hand up for a high five, which I reluctantly received. These are the times it would be funny if I was a lesbian. Too bad I like dudes and just seemed lame.
Overall my experience has been great,though. This gym just needs to hire a new salesman. . . and maybe get some towels. I am looking forward to getting in shape. I'm already a month in to swimsuit season, and spend entirely too much time at the beach to look flabby. Flabby is such an awful word. Anyone agree? From now on, lets just call it fluff. I am a little too "fluffy" for my bikini. Better? Maybe not.
Confidently single (take that!),
LH
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Love, indifference, and happy endings (or beginnings?)
I have a lot of thoughts spinning through my head. I don't know that I can package these thoughts neatly, especially today. If it doesn't make sense, well... deal.
I'm thinking about what it means to be love. There's this song I'm obsessed with that has a line that goes, "The opposite of love's indifference" and I get this line stuck in my head a lot. I know plenty of people who are in love that have been good examples to me-- both sets of grandparents have been married over 60 years and my parents for 25. My best friend is in love with her boyfriend and they will get married within the next 14 months or so. (So excited- we are going to party like its 1999). I know that love is not always easy for them. I know that they get mad at each other. I know that its hard to love someone when you know everything about them (including their tiniest faults and bathroom habits), and that indifference is far, far easier.
The same is true with friends and even global issues and justice. There are many times I have chosen to care less when friends struggle, when instead I should have been more empathetic, and more compassionate. There are times when I turn a blind eye to what's happening in the world because it's easier to not feel then to think about people in other places seeking justice and being defeated daily. If we are called to love, we need to be willing to feel something, to take a side, to stand up. I learned what love is from my parents and my family. How do you teach love to someone who has never felt it? How do you teach love to a kid whose parents are constantly fighting, to a high school girl that equates love with sex, to a college student who is loved by her friends but doesn't understand it because she's been abused? How can love feel so foreign?
I've been reminded several times, just in the last 12 or so hours, of how rare it is to be related to people you like that also love each other.
17 years ago today my mom had a baby that passed away not long after being born. Her name was Emilie and she was beautiful. The doctors knew before she was born that she probably wouldn't make it. My mom had a series of miscarriages before this (I think six), but things were going better this time, and we thought maybe it would finally work out. I remember the day my parents found out that there were complications and how upset they were. Through this whole process, they never quit showing me how much they loved me, and I'm sure it brought us closer. It is impossible to go through tragedy like that without having some change in relationships. For some families, it tears them apart, but for us, we clung tighter. This whole period was very sad and difficult, but as the story continues and a couple years pass, there is happiness. My brother was born, and though he too was born prematurely, a couple weeks in the hospital fixed him up and he's been a healthy and strong kid. I remember Mom holding him when he was a baby and crying saying "he's just so perfect". (Ben, if you read this, don't get all cocky about it. We all know Cara is actually the golden child. She just doesn't care).
I've seen love, and I've seen light in really dark situations. Every family has their struggles , and every parent has the opportunity to choose love or to choose indifference. My prayer for all my friends and family, is the feeling of significance-- that they feel like they have family whether from friends in community or actual blood relatives and that they can be loved and love others. Hell, this is my prayer for the world.
With love,
LH
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJWk_KNbDHo
I'm thinking about what it means to be love. There's this song I'm obsessed with that has a line that goes, "The opposite of love's indifference" and I get this line stuck in my head a lot. I know plenty of people who are in love that have been good examples to me-- both sets of grandparents have been married over 60 years and my parents for 25. My best friend is in love with her boyfriend and they will get married within the next 14 months or so. (So excited- we are going to party like its 1999). I know that love is not always easy for them. I know that they get mad at each other. I know that its hard to love someone when you know everything about them (including their tiniest faults and bathroom habits), and that indifference is far, far easier.
The same is true with friends and even global issues and justice. There are many times I have chosen to care less when friends struggle, when instead I should have been more empathetic, and more compassionate. There are times when I turn a blind eye to what's happening in the world because it's easier to not feel then to think about people in other places seeking justice and being defeated daily. If we are called to love, we need to be willing to feel something, to take a side, to stand up. I learned what love is from my parents and my family. How do you teach love to someone who has never felt it? How do you teach love to a kid whose parents are constantly fighting, to a high school girl that equates love with sex, to a college student who is loved by her friends but doesn't understand it because she's been abused? How can love feel so foreign?
I've been reminded several times, just in the last 12 or so hours, of how rare it is to be related to people you like that also love each other.
17 years ago today my mom had a baby that passed away not long after being born. Her name was Emilie and she was beautiful. The doctors knew before she was born that she probably wouldn't make it. My mom had a series of miscarriages before this (I think six), but things were going better this time, and we thought maybe it would finally work out. I remember the day my parents found out that there were complications and how upset they were. Through this whole process, they never quit showing me how much they loved me, and I'm sure it brought us closer. It is impossible to go through tragedy like that without having some change in relationships. For some families, it tears them apart, but for us, we clung tighter. This whole period was very sad and difficult, but as the story continues and a couple years pass, there is happiness. My brother was born, and though he too was born prematurely, a couple weeks in the hospital fixed him up and he's been a healthy and strong kid. I remember Mom holding him when he was a baby and crying saying "he's just so perfect". (Ben, if you read this, don't get all cocky about it. We all know Cara is actually the golden child. She just doesn't care).
I've seen love, and I've seen light in really dark situations. Every family has their struggles , and every parent has the opportunity to choose love or to choose indifference. My prayer for all my friends and family, is the feeling of significance-- that they feel like they have family whether from friends in community or actual blood relatives and that they can be loved and love others. Hell, this is my prayer for the world.
With love,
LH
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJWk_KNbDHo
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Gettin crazy
I've never been this color in April. To most, I still seem very white, but this one is going down in the books as the tannest April of my life thus far. The past few days it has been in the 80's and lower 90's here, and a little cooler (and pretty much perfect) on the beach. That's where I spent today. I have been to the beach more in the past week than any other week since I first moved. I'm LOVING it. A couple of the guys I work with surf, and I'm hoping to convince one of them to teach me their ways this summer. I talked to Mom today and she said they had flurries in Missouri today. I picked the right year to move here, apparently.
I met with Cait and Dominique about moving to L.A. ,and am really, really hoping it works out for everyone. Our goal is June 1st, so that is something to look forward to. I'm dreading the moving process, but I think I can fit everything I own except my bed in my car. More than that, I'm dreading saying goodbye to my good friends at the co-op. When I reflect on my California experience thus far, I am overwhelmed with my good fortune in finding such wonderful friends and adventures. If anyone from the co-op reads this, know that someone else will have to instigate "prude night" in the hot tub. You just have to wear your swim gear... or anything. Just wear something, please. I don't want you all to die. That thing is a cesspool.
Before I left home last week, Boompa (my grandpa, in case you couldn't guess)gave me some money and told me to do something crazy with it. Initially, I was going to take surf lessons with it, but since I know people that surf now, I might be able to use the money for something else. Here are my ideas. Let me know if you have any as well.
1. Drive to San Diego and see some sights. Boompa was stationed there in the Navy, and would probably like to see pictures of it now.
2. Get a tattoo. I'm not sure what of, but he would probably think that was at least a little funny.
3. Go to a show at one of the venues on my California to-do list.
4. Alcatraz. I've been wanting to take the tour and see San Fran.
5. Get tickets to watch the Royals or Cardinals play the Dodgers or Angels. Also, Boompa LOVES baseball.
Okay, so they aren't all crazy, but they do seem pretty fun!
Love,
LH
I met with Cait and Dominique about moving to L.A. ,and am really, really hoping it works out for everyone. Our goal is June 1st, so that is something to look forward to. I'm dreading the moving process, but I think I can fit everything I own except my bed in my car. More than that, I'm dreading saying goodbye to my good friends at the co-op. When I reflect on my California experience thus far, I am overwhelmed with my good fortune in finding such wonderful friends and adventures. If anyone from the co-op reads this, know that someone else will have to instigate "prude night" in the hot tub. You just have to wear your swim gear... or anything. Just wear something, please. I don't want you all to die. That thing is a cesspool.
Before I left home last week, Boompa (my grandpa, in case you couldn't guess)gave me some money and told me to do something crazy with it. Initially, I was going to take surf lessons with it, but since I know people that surf now, I might be able to use the money for something else. Here are my ideas. Let me know if you have any as well.
1. Drive to San Diego and see some sights. Boompa was stationed there in the Navy, and would probably like to see pictures of it now.
2. Get a tattoo. I'm not sure what of, but he would probably think that was at least a little funny.
3. Go to a show at one of the venues on my California to-do list.
4. Alcatraz. I've been wanting to take the tour and see San Fran.
5. Get tickets to watch the Royals or Cardinals play the Dodgers or Angels. Also, Boompa LOVES baseball.
Okay, so they aren't all crazy, but they do seem pretty fun!
Love,
LH
Monday, April 22, 2013
This is what quitting feels like
I can finally breathe.
Let me just start by saying that I can't believe that less than a week ago I was in Missouri. I flew back here on Tuesday and even that seems like a very long time ago. I came back to two work schedules that overlapped, and spent a significant amount of time freaking out and trying to make both work. I never could get several of my Starbucks shifts covered, and in the middle of the madness, decided it was crazy to try to keep that job. I'm getting a full load at the station, and with all the driving, I hardly had time to shower and sleep. I realized after I quit (yesterday morning at 5:30 AM) that I had been holding my breath for a few days. I can finally breath again, and it feels so good!
I realized after quitting Starbucks that I have never actually had to quit a real job before, at least not like this. In the past, the reason I have quit jobs has been for very obvious reasons, like graduating high school, graduating college, or because the work was done or it was a summer job. This was hard for me. I wanted everything to be neat and tidy when I quit and didn't want to leave them scrambling. There was no good way of doing that this late in the game, however. I wish I had decided to quit as soon as I got the other job, but even then they would still have to figure out scheduling. I feel guilty, but I also know that I did the best I could in the situation and given the circumstances and pressure I put on myself.
Moving on from that, I'm excited to be able to focus on the radio gig and end a job I never wanted to pursue (although I'm so grateful I had it-- paid the bills, learned new skills, and made great friends). I will most definitely miss the people I worked with there, as they were the first friends I made when I moved here, and have been somewhat like family. I really hated the job when I first started, but after a while, I sort of looked forward to it. The first few months I lived here I was really lonely, and they took my mind off of being so far from home. I'm beyond grateful for that.
Now I have the next two days off and can focus on finding an apartment and hopefully getting all my ducks in a row to move closer to L.A. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm actually looking forward to moving to that blasted city. It seems like an adventure, and I'll have great company in the two girls I'm moving with.
I have more to say, but I am just so, so sleepy. I spent plenty 'o time out in the sun today, and am burnt and zapped of energy. I love it though.
Golden (and a little crispy),
LH
Let me just start by saying that I can't believe that less than a week ago I was in Missouri. I flew back here on Tuesday and even that seems like a very long time ago. I came back to two work schedules that overlapped, and spent a significant amount of time freaking out and trying to make both work. I never could get several of my Starbucks shifts covered, and in the middle of the madness, decided it was crazy to try to keep that job. I'm getting a full load at the station, and with all the driving, I hardly had time to shower and sleep. I realized after I quit (yesterday morning at 5:30 AM) that I had been holding my breath for a few days. I can finally breath again, and it feels so good!
I realized after quitting Starbucks that I have never actually had to quit a real job before, at least not like this. In the past, the reason I have quit jobs has been for very obvious reasons, like graduating high school, graduating college, or because the work was done or it was a summer job. This was hard for me. I wanted everything to be neat and tidy when I quit and didn't want to leave them scrambling. There was no good way of doing that this late in the game, however. I wish I had decided to quit as soon as I got the other job, but even then they would still have to figure out scheduling. I feel guilty, but I also know that I did the best I could in the situation and given the circumstances and pressure I put on myself.
Moving on from that, I'm excited to be able to focus on the radio gig and end a job I never wanted to pursue (although I'm so grateful I had it-- paid the bills, learned new skills, and made great friends). I will most definitely miss the people I worked with there, as they were the first friends I made when I moved here, and have been somewhat like family. I really hated the job when I first started, but after a while, I sort of looked forward to it. The first few months I lived here I was really lonely, and they took my mind off of being so far from home. I'm beyond grateful for that.
Now I have the next two days off and can focus on finding an apartment and hopefully getting all my ducks in a row to move closer to L.A. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm actually looking forward to moving to that blasted city. It seems like an adventure, and I'll have great company in the two girls I'm moving with.
I have more to say, but I am just so, so sleepy. I spent plenty 'o time out in the sun today, and am burnt and zapped of energy. I love it though.
Golden (and a little crispy),
LH
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Something worth writing
I finally got a radio job! Yeeeehaawwww! The past couple of weeks have been really,really crazy,because I've been trying to work both at Amp (the LA radio station)as well as at Starbucks and have also taken a trip home to Missouri. Today I've been playing catch up, trying to do laundry (which is a long process without a dryer) and trying to find people to cover shifts at Starbucks when I'm at the radio station. So far, I haven't been very successful today, though I have finished a couple loads of laundry and bought a new planner to write all of this madness in. I'm on the verge of several big changes, and am really excited to move to LA and dive head first in to radio land.
I've said this a hundred times, but I really mean it this time. I want to focus more time on writing. In just a couple weeks, it will have been a year since I graduated from college. In this past year, I've had more change than any other time in my life, and I desperately need to write it down in detail, before I forget everything that has happened. I don't want to forget the people I've met, the obstacles I've faced, or all of the weird and good times I've experienced. I'm trying to figure out in what format I want to write all of this. Do I want to continue to blog and write things as they occur from day to day? Or maybe I should write a fictional story and incorporate events and people and places in to it. I've been trying to think of a theme--maybe something I've learned or some central theme. If anything the theme of my writing should be uncertainty. When I was driving across the country last July, I was excited but a little worried, not knowing what the next day would look like, or who I would be around. Nothing was familiar. That was a very odd feeling. I still feel something like that occasionally. Now, I'm not sure where I'm going to move to, but at least I know I have friends to move with, and I've met all my coworkers and have an idea of what to expect from this job. I'm going to miss my friends at the co-op and at Starbucks. I have a few people here that I've gotten close to, and it's going to be sad to say goodbye. I guess movement could be another theme. I have done a whole lot of moving, and have called several places home in the last 12 months. Home is a lot, though. Home for me right now is where I'm currently living, but also where my family is. Mom always gets upset when I call something other than our family house home, but I have to have home where I am as well. Home is also Mizzou, where I went to college and where I met my very closest friends and gained knowledge and ideas that have shaped my beliefs about the world.
I have a lot of things I could write about, but what needs to be written?
Time for work.
LH
I've said this a hundred times, but I really mean it this time. I want to focus more time on writing. In just a couple weeks, it will have been a year since I graduated from college. In this past year, I've had more change than any other time in my life, and I desperately need to write it down in detail, before I forget everything that has happened. I don't want to forget the people I've met, the obstacles I've faced, or all of the weird and good times I've experienced. I'm trying to figure out in what format I want to write all of this. Do I want to continue to blog and write things as they occur from day to day? Or maybe I should write a fictional story and incorporate events and people and places in to it. I've been trying to think of a theme--maybe something I've learned or some central theme. If anything the theme of my writing should be uncertainty. When I was driving across the country last July, I was excited but a little worried, not knowing what the next day would look like, or who I would be around. Nothing was familiar. That was a very odd feeling. I still feel something like that occasionally. Now, I'm not sure where I'm going to move to, but at least I know I have friends to move with, and I've met all my coworkers and have an idea of what to expect from this job. I'm going to miss my friends at the co-op and at Starbucks. I have a few people here that I've gotten close to, and it's going to be sad to say goodbye. I guess movement could be another theme. I have done a whole lot of moving, and have called several places home in the last 12 months. Home is a lot, though. Home for me right now is where I'm currently living, but also where my family is. Mom always gets upset when I call something other than our family house home, but I have to have home where I am as well. Home is also Mizzou, where I went to college and where I met my very closest friends and gained knowledge and ideas that have shaped my beliefs about the world.
I have a lot of things I could write about, but what needs to be written?
Time for work.
LH
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Two Months Later...
I can't believe it has been two months since I last blogged. Time has been flying, and I've been a bit busier. Also, the weather has been better, so I've been spending more time outside. I really wish I would have blogged at least one other time in the past two months, because I'm not really sure where to start...
Lets see. I'm still living at the co-op and that is going pretty well. I occasionally sneak meat in to the house, which makes me feel edgy. Our demon washing machine isn't doing its job, and may be destroying some of my things and eating my socks. That's my biggest complaint at the moment.
Three of my very best friends in the world came from Illinois, Virginia, and Missouri to visit a couple weeks ago. We had the best time! I took them to a lot of my favorite places and a few I've never been. We spent most of our time outside and got a little burnt ,but it was wonderful. (Skin cancer doesn't exist for us, we've decided.) We all spent the days after we parted crying, but I think that speaks well of our relationship and the time we spent together. It would be much more pathetic if we spent all that time and were fine leaving each other. I feel beyond fortunate to know them and be so closely tied. I could go on and on, but I won't.
I had a couple of interviews this week with a radio station. I'm EXTREMELY pumped about it, but won't know for a couple more weeks if I got the job or not. It would be a great foot in the door, and maybe even worth moving in to LA for. If it doesn't work out, I'm probably going to move to San Diego or somewhere farther from the city this summer. I think it's only worth staying near if I love my job.
Well, it's almost noon and the sun in shining. I think that's my cue to head to the beach. I'll try to post more soon.
Getting golden (hopefully not red),
Liz
Lets see. I'm still living at the co-op and that is going pretty well. I occasionally sneak meat in to the house, which makes me feel edgy. Our demon washing machine isn't doing its job, and may be destroying some of my things and eating my socks. That's my biggest complaint at the moment.
Three of my very best friends in the world came from Illinois, Virginia, and Missouri to visit a couple weeks ago. We had the best time! I took them to a lot of my favorite places and a few I've never been. We spent most of our time outside and got a little burnt ,but it was wonderful. (Skin cancer doesn't exist for us, we've decided.) We all spent the days after we parted crying, but I think that speaks well of our relationship and the time we spent together. It would be much more pathetic if we spent all that time and were fine leaving each other. I feel beyond fortunate to know them and be so closely tied. I could go on and on, but I won't.
I had a couple of interviews this week with a radio station. I'm EXTREMELY pumped about it, but won't know for a couple more weeks if I got the job or not. It would be a great foot in the door, and maybe even worth moving in to LA for. If it doesn't work out, I'm probably going to move to San Diego or somewhere farther from the city this summer. I think it's only worth staying near if I love my job.
Well, it's almost noon and the sun in shining. I think that's my cue to head to the beach. I'll try to post more soon.
Getting golden (hopefully not red),
Liz
Friday, January 25, 2013
The worst of the best
Lately, things have been going really well (knock on wood). Because of my living situation, I am forced to make friends all the time, which is really healthy. I love making new friends, but have just realized a weakness in my relationship-forming process. I've hit a level where I'm terrified to go deeper, to get closer to anyone. If I get any closer to the people I live with and am surrounded by, I'm going to hurt badly when the time comes to leave them. I just did this a few months ago, and I still ache any time I think about leaving my best friends and my family.I was crazy blessed to have such wonderful college friends, and I feel like I'm missing parts not having them close. (Luckily they are planning a trip to come visit me very soon. We are going to squeal like small children... and probably skip everywhere we go).
I have no timeline for being here ,really, but I do miss my family badly. I question my decisions often, and though I love it here, there are very real consequences. I know this is a part of growing up, and a part of loving people and life moving you in different directions.(As one of the guys pointed out to me when we were in the hot tub yesterday,"How many people do you know that live with their parents when they are 30?". Though I see his point, and though I haven't "lived with my parents" since high school, I'm REEEAAAALLLLYYYY far away.) I guess that is the worst part of a best situation, though. All of the love and the good times make the hurt bearable. We still can talk to each other, and visit each other. My greatest hope for us--for my relationships with friends and family-- is that we will always be able to pick up where we left off. So far, so good.
I want to live and love fully. It's not fair to the people around me (or to myself) if I don't. I don't want to have reservations about loving people, especially when they have taken me in so quickly.I'm hoping that I am out of this funk by tomorrow. You can understand my reservations though, right? I didn't even realize that that's why I've been feeling a little off the past two days until I was painting and was working on something that reminded me of home. I was kind of beating myself up for being so reclusive. I could have easily found people to hang out with, but I just wanted time by myself. This is how I've felt since Tuesday. I haven't been too sad until tonight--mostly just stand-offish. I have spent time with people, but I've also spent a lot of time alone--overthinking (but of nothing too important, and of nothing new), and painting, and being sort of lazy. Anyway, I was painting tonight and I started crying because I miss my old friends, and then it hit me. The reason I'm choosing to be alone is that I'm afraid to get close to these crazy Californians--but lets face it, I already miss them when I'm away even for a week. I'm also afraid to invest a ton of time and energy in to anything here, because it feels so temporary. I don't know if I want it to be temporary though. There's no pressure for me to decide, but some days I wish I could. Then again, everything is somewhat temporary, right? Silly.
A few days ago, I finally had total closure with a guy I had love-like feelings towards for a while. He lives far, far away, and not even in Missouri, so I probably won't see him again. I was sad to find out he doesn't have love-like feelings for me, but was relieved as well. It was like a weight that I have been carrying for years was finally lifted. Hopefully I will stop comparing every guy I meet to him. Ha! Time will tell. The only reason I bring this up is because I am loving the feeling of a clean slate, and though I'm sad for the loss of him in my idealized future, I'm excited to see the world without that future in the back of my mind. (SO many run-on sentences.I don't feel like fixing them. I hope your eyes aren't too offended).It's the perfect time for me to start over with romantic relationships (though I'm not REALLY looking--just trying to keep a somewhat open mind), as well as invest in platonic ones.
Ahhhh, something about writing always makes me feel better. Maybe some of you can relate? Hope so.
Love, love, love,
LH
I have no timeline for being here ,really, but I do miss my family badly. I question my decisions often, and though I love it here, there are very real consequences. I know this is a part of growing up, and a part of loving people and life moving you in different directions.(As one of the guys pointed out to me when we were in the hot tub yesterday,"How many people do you know that live with their parents when they are 30?". Though I see his point, and though I haven't "lived with my parents" since high school, I'm REEEAAAALLLLYYYY far away.) I guess that is the worst part of a best situation, though. All of the love and the good times make the hurt bearable. We still can talk to each other, and visit each other. My greatest hope for us--for my relationships with friends and family-- is that we will always be able to pick up where we left off. So far, so good.
I want to live and love fully. It's not fair to the people around me (or to myself) if I don't. I don't want to have reservations about loving people, especially when they have taken me in so quickly.I'm hoping that I am out of this funk by tomorrow. You can understand my reservations though, right? I didn't even realize that that's why I've been feeling a little off the past two days until I was painting and was working on something that reminded me of home. I was kind of beating myself up for being so reclusive. I could have easily found people to hang out with, but I just wanted time by myself. This is how I've felt since Tuesday. I haven't been too sad until tonight--mostly just stand-offish. I have spent time with people, but I've also spent a lot of time alone--overthinking (but of nothing too important, and of nothing new), and painting, and being sort of lazy. Anyway, I was painting tonight and I started crying because I miss my old friends, and then it hit me. The reason I'm choosing to be alone is that I'm afraid to get close to these crazy Californians--but lets face it, I already miss them when I'm away even for a week. I'm also afraid to invest a ton of time and energy in to anything here, because it feels so temporary. I don't know if I want it to be temporary though. There's no pressure for me to decide, but some days I wish I could. Then again, everything is somewhat temporary, right? Silly.
A few days ago, I finally had total closure with a guy I had love-like feelings towards for a while. He lives far, far away, and not even in Missouri, so I probably won't see him again. I was sad to find out he doesn't have love-like feelings for me, but was relieved as well. It was like a weight that I have been carrying for years was finally lifted. Hopefully I will stop comparing every guy I meet to him. Ha! Time will tell. The only reason I bring this up is because I am loving the feeling of a clean slate, and though I'm sad for the loss of him in my idealized future, I'm excited to see the world without that future in the back of my mind. (SO many run-on sentences.I don't feel like fixing them. I hope your eyes aren't too offended).It's the perfect time for me to start over with romantic relationships (though I'm not REALLY looking--just trying to keep a somewhat open mind), as well as invest in platonic ones.
Ahhhh, something about writing always makes me feel better. Maybe some of you can relate? Hope so.
Love, love, love,
LH
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Midwest to West Coast
In my capstone class in college, I had to take the "Strengthsfinder"test so that Dr. Porter knew what he was getting himself in to with our group. It turns out that my number one strength is "Adaptability". Though I never really considered this as a strength before taking the test, (I suggest that everyone take it--it really helped me when writing my resume) it's totally proven itself over and over-- especially as I've adapted to a west coast lifestyle. I think I'm addicted to adapting-- I might like change a little too much. I dig the challenge.
Last week I went home to good ole' Missouri to see the fam and celebrate a late Christmas. It was wonnnnnderful. . . except for the weather.I didn't realize how much time I spend outside in California until I went home and really didn't want to go outside but felt a little cooped up inside (lose/lose). I eventually got used to being inside (sorta) and I at least had excellent company. Mom left up all the Christmas decorations and I gave everyone their presents and Ben and Cara gave me mine. I extended my trip a couple days which made time for some late Christmas cookie/ early Valentines day cooking baking time. I was lucky enough to spend time with both sets of grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins and my best friend as well. Ben is playing varsity basketball this year, and I got to see him play and Cara perform at her district band concert. I tried to get Ben to carry her out of the auditorium on our shoulders, but for some reason he wouldn't do it.
I had several discussions with people when I was home about when I'm going to move back. I don't know that I will, but I'm not saying I won't either. I really love where I live, but the price I have to pay is that I don't see the people I love most very often. It's taxing. They are understanding of me wanting to be somewhere different for a while, but several people told me that this transition has been hard on my mom. Mom is not an adaptability queen, nor would she ever pretend to be. Ben and Cara and Dad and I kept teasing her --telling her that they should move out here. She wouldn't even joke about it. Mom and I are very similar in a lot of ways, but she absolutely LOVES where she lives, and the thought of being anywhere else bothers her. We should probably quit teasing her. She's a good mamma.
When I go home I feel like I'm in this weird time warp where everyone gets married super young and settles down and has kids. My parents did that,and are happy, so I can't knock it. It's just very opposite of where I am right now. There were several discussions I had with different people who are my age and are tying the knot. I can't imagine that right now, but to that they say, "you just haven't met the right person".
It's going take a very strong-willed man to get me to marry him. Bribes wouldn't hurt either.
So I spent a few days in Missouri and now I'm back in the Golden State and it's been sunny and around 80 degrees everyday. I'm happy to not have to wear pants... or a coat, but I miss my family something awful. Maybe I'll move back in a few years, but I have a feeling that the transition back is going to be just as difficult as the transition here. No matter how much I like the challenge, I can't deny the very low points I went through and the times I would have given anything to be home. Now, I love this place and I love the people I'm with. If I did have to state a next location, Memphis is still on my list. I'm not worried about timing too much now though. I'm happy not having a plan.
LH
Last week I went home to good ole' Missouri to see the fam and celebrate a late Christmas. It was wonnnnnderful. . . except for the weather.I didn't realize how much time I spend outside in California until I went home and really didn't want to go outside but felt a little cooped up inside (lose/lose). I eventually got used to being inside (sorta) and I at least had excellent company. Mom left up all the Christmas decorations and I gave everyone their presents and Ben and Cara gave me mine. I extended my trip a couple days which made time for some late Christmas cookie/ early Valentines day cooking baking time. I was lucky enough to spend time with both sets of grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins and my best friend as well. Ben is playing varsity basketball this year, and I got to see him play and Cara perform at her district band concert. I tried to get Ben to carry her out of the auditorium on our shoulders, but for some reason he wouldn't do it.
I had several discussions with people when I was home about when I'm going to move back. I don't know that I will, but I'm not saying I won't either. I really love where I live, but the price I have to pay is that I don't see the people I love most very often. It's taxing. They are understanding of me wanting to be somewhere different for a while, but several people told me that this transition has been hard on my mom. Mom is not an adaptability queen, nor would she ever pretend to be. Ben and Cara and Dad and I kept teasing her --telling her that they should move out here. She wouldn't even joke about it. Mom and I are very similar in a lot of ways, but she absolutely LOVES where she lives, and the thought of being anywhere else bothers her. We should probably quit teasing her. She's a good mamma.
When I go home I feel like I'm in this weird time warp where everyone gets married super young and settles down and has kids. My parents did that,and are happy, so I can't knock it. It's just very opposite of where I am right now. There were several discussions I had with different people who are my age and are tying the knot. I can't imagine that right now, but to that they say, "you just haven't met the right person".
It's going take a very strong-willed man to get me to marry him. Bribes wouldn't hurt either.
So I spent a few days in Missouri and now I'm back in the Golden State and it's been sunny and around 80 degrees everyday. I'm happy to not have to wear pants... or a coat, but I miss my family something awful. Maybe I'll move back in a few years, but I have a feeling that the transition back is going to be just as difficult as the transition here. No matter how much I like the challenge, I can't deny the very low points I went through and the times I would have given anything to be home. Now, I love this place and I love the people I'm with. If I did have to state a next location, Memphis is still on my list. I'm not worried about timing too much now though. I'm happy not having a plan.
LH
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