I don't want to start this story from the very beginning. There are a lot of boring details that I could spend hours reciting, but the purpose of this is not to bore you (or me, since I may be the only person who reads it). The purpose of this is to keep me writing--a skill that deteriorates if not exercised. If done correctly, it will be informative and mildly entertaining...
There are a number of factors that landed me in California ,but only one purpose that really keeps me here. I came wanting a new experience, and specifically an experience I wouldn't be able to find in Missouri.There is nothing inherently wrong with Missouri. I had a nice life there. I went to a big university and had many dependable friends. I had a good job with people I loved to work with. I had my family and Gretyl the dog. Life was good to me in Missouri, and I was happy and blessed. I came to a crossroads after college where I had to make an inevitable decision. As The Clash wrote in 1981, "should I stay or should I go?" I come back to this question often, even after 5 months here. I battle feelings of selfishness, not knowing if it's right or wrong to be here. Have I deserted those I love the most? I hope not. I just need this place. In order to grow as a human being--to really live-- I felt that I must go. And for the time being, I must stay.
As a kid, I would sit out on my front porch and imagine that I was somewhere else—somewhere like California where life was a different pace. (I was always getting in trouble for daydreaming. Focus,Liz, focus.) I wondered if I would look different in a place like California. Would I be tan with perfectly sun-bleached hair? Would my school have a hot tub where I would spend my winter reading laminated text books that would be made specifically water-safe (This was a long time day dream of mine in elementary school. I've always had a love for water, and well, how cool would it be to spend school days in a hot tub?! I think this idea might have stemmed from a rumor that there was a hot tub in the teachers lounge. Oddly enough, that never made me want to be a teacher.)Maybe we would have class on the beach and recess would be spent surfing. Were the school lunches better in California? Would the backstreet boys play kickball in my yard? These were the things I thought about as a kid. My dreams never left me in Missouri.
Because Missouri itself isn’t all that interesting, I took an interest in the different kinds of people to engage my mind. I’ve spent time with a lot of different crowds: from hipsters, to metal heads, to athletes, to nerds, to aggies. People have always facinated me , and that's probably why Sociology was a good fit for me in college. Though I think psychology is interesting, I care less about the internal factors that effect us , and far more about the experiences we have that shape who we are. (These can go hand in hand, but that's another topic for another time). California was appealing to me from the beginning because of the diversity.I was so excited to meet new people, take a new direction, and breathe in different air. Little did I know that where I would move the air would be filthy and give me a headache for a couple months.
Actually, the air and the traffic here are really the only things I dislike. The first time I tried to run in California, I thought I was going to have a bloody nose and also throw up. Simultaneously. Of course, I quit running before that happened. I’m not much for sacrifice while running. Just tying up the laces and putting on a sports bra is sometimes daunting enough to me to push the run till the next day... or week. The first two weeks I was here it was relatively cool—in the 70’s and 80’s and I told my mom I would probably lose 20 pounds before the next time she saw me because I would be so active with the nice weather. That was before summer really kicked in and I started working at Starbucks, where I'm surrounded in sugar and pastries. Maybe 5 pounds would be a more practical vision.
So here I am, 5 months in "The Golden State", finally finding the adventure I was searching for. Adventure isn't easy, though, and I'm learning and being challenged daily. My hope is that California strengthens me, and that through living here I can be an example to the two people I miss most--my goofball brother and beautiful sister.I hope that in this they see that life never has to grow stagnant, that fear shouldn't control us, and that distance will never change how much I love them.
Sidenote:
Newport Beach Elementary is literally located ON the beach, so those lucky brats really do have recess on the beach, though I didn't see any surfboards. . .
No comments:
Post a Comment